Not a good idea, parts 1 and 2

This afternoon, I was exiting the subway at the west exit of the Bloor-Danforth subway platform. This is the exit that bypasses the Yonge-University line and goes straight up to Yonge Street. Because this exit isn't used much, you use a revolving gate instead of a turnstile to exit.

If you're not familiar with the TTC's revolving gates, let me see if I can describe one to you: it's like a revolving door, except that it has horizontal metal bars instead of glass panels, and there's a barrier to keep people from revolving all the way around and back into the station. The basic idea is that it lets people out but doesn't allow people in. Got it? A friend of mine used to call these gates "people strainers".

When I got to the exit gate, a man was just getting through it. After he left, he felt compelled to put the gate back in the condition he found it, so he abruptly stopped its motion as I was about to enter. He wasn't being malicious - it was just an instinctive act of tidying up. But I have no idea what he was thinking. Had I been in the gate, I probably would have been somewhat injured, as I would have been people-strained.

I looked at him, politely but questioningly, as if to say, "Dude - what the?" He looked startled, and then rueful. And then he realized that this exit didn't lead to the Yonge subway, and slunk back in. Just another day on earth...


I was surfing the net tonight, and ran across a site claiming to list the bird courses offered by Canadian universities. (Of course, "bird" in this context means "easy".) I looked up the list for my alma mater, the University of Waterloo, and discovered that the data there is not entirely reliable: CS 452 - Introduction To Real-Time Programming is listed as a bird course. As the recommendation puts it, "Easiest course ever! Earning credits for playing around with trains, how easy is that!?"

When I was in school, taking this course meant that you had no life for four months, as you were doomed to spend all your time in the lab. I avoided it like the plague.

Pigeon-on-pigeon action

I just spotted two pigeons on my balcony. I think they were getting it on - I didn't look too closely, but they were certainly rather close to one another.

I shooed them away: not because I am prudish, but because I am generally trying to make the pigeon population relocate to somewhere other than my balcony. I hate cleaning up pigeon poop.

(The Toronto pigeon population has migrated recently: I've been living near Broadview and Danforth for six and a half years now, and this is the first year I've seen pigeons here.)


Oh, and I saw the Goodyear blimp drifting north of the city about an hour ago. For some reason, I thought this was kind of cool.

Try the veal

I was cleaning out an old box of papers today, and found the following list of artists scheduled to appear at the Foxwoods Resort Casino, in Ledyard, Connecticut, during June and July of 1997:

June 4: Donald O'Connor
June 6: Kathy Mattea
June 7: Tower of Power
June 8: George Jones
June 10: Miss Connecticut Pageant
June 15: Live Boxing ESPN (Don Diego Poeder vs. Terry Ray)
June 16: Kingston Trio
June 18: Live Kick Boxing (Jeff "The Duke" Roufus vs. Pat Smith)
June 20-21: Victor Borge
June 22-23: Randy Travis
June 24-25: The McGuire Sisters
June 26-27: Crosby, Stills, Nash
June 28: Jay Leno
July 7-8: Sawyer Brown
July 9-10: Joe Walsh
July 12: Frankie Avalon, Fabian, and Bobby Rydell
July 15: Marty Stuart and Lee-Roy Parnell
July 18-19: Engelbert Humperdinck
July 20: Jeff Foxworthy
July 24: Patti LaBelle
July 25-26: Willie Nelson
July 30-Aug 3: Barry Manilow

What I got in my mailbox this morning

So I got something strange and unusual in my snail mail this morning. It was postmarked from Austin, Texas, and was two copies of a pamphlet by Wayne Alan Brenner called "Five Simple Steps To Greater Joy In This World Of Sorrow".

The steps, summarized, are:

Step One: Let this document fall.
Step Two: Empty your mind of all unkind thoughts.
Step Three: Call your best friend.
Step Four: Drink a glass of water.
Step Five: Pass this document to the next person you see.

The back of each document (and the envelope) contain an official-looking form with three check boxes to choose from:

This document is known to be
_ Gravitationally Secure
_ Gravitationally Corrupt
_ Currently Untested

Verified in strict accordance with the Revised Manual of Gravitational Assurance, Chapter 6, Paragraph 11, Second Edition of June 2001.

Then there's a signature and a stamp.

I'm not sure why someone went to the trouble of sending me this, or what it's about. If you're curious, Wayne Alan Brenner's website is here. And here is an excerpt of Steps One and Two. (If you're reading this, and you sent the pamphlet to me, please let me know!)